It’s Not Failure! It’s a Choice: Rethinking Kids’ Activities
Middle school and high school students today are busier than ever not only with their studies but also with an overwhelming number of extracurricular activities. From sports to music to volunteering and academic clubs, their schedules are often packed from morning to night. On top of that, college admission counselors often emphasize that, nowadays, colleges most value not the “well-rounded” student who dabbles in everything but the student who demonstrates excellence and depth in a particular area.
As parents, it’s easy to interpret this to mean that our children need to be truly outstanding in at least one pursuit-otherwise it may be better to quit and free up their time. And there is some truth to that. Simplifying schedules can be necessary for balance and health, and quitting an instrument or stepping away from an activity is not a failure. It’s simply a choice.
But I think the deeper question we must ask ourselves is this: On what basis are we choosing these activities for our children? Are we choosing them because they will “look good” on a college application? Or are we choosing them because they genuinely help our children grow as thinkers, problem-solvers, and human beings?
If we only view activities as stepping-stones to admissions, then the moment our child is not “the best” in something, it’s tempting to feel like the effort isn’t worth it. But that misses the bigger picture. Even if they are not the top athlete, the star musician, or the math champion, the process of trying, practicing, and learning still shapes who they are. Growth does not only come from winning-it comes from the discipline, perseverance, and joy found along the way.
Take my own son as an example. He has a steady interest in math. He’s pretty good at it, though I know he won’t be the very best. I thought perhaps he could try a few math competitions. Some counselors I’ve heard on podcasts compare math competitions to sports or music-they say unless you start very young and pursue them intensely, they don’t really add much to a college application. But that’s OK! The fact that he is curious, that he enjoys the challenge, and that he is willing to stretch himself has value in and of itself.
At the end of the day, activities should not only be resume builders. They should be opportunities for our children to explore their interests, discover joy, and gain skills that will serve them far beyond college. Because college, after all, is just one chapter of their lives. The confidence, curiosity, and resilience our children develop through meaningful experiences-that is the story that will stay with them for a lifetime.
So let’s remind ourselves, as parents: not every choice has to be about strategy or admissions (I am talking to myself also☺️). Let’s not rush to cut everything down to only what “counts” for college. Let’s also leave room for the activities that bring our children joy, nurture their curiosity, and help them grow into the thoughtful, resilient people we hope they will become. And if along the way they choose to quit something, that is not a failure! It is simply a choice, and sometimes the right one.